Why Resolutions Fail; Tips for Making Meaningful Change

January 1, New Years Day. Opening my email on this first day of the year, I am flooded with emails centered around one theme: New Year's Resolutions. Obviously these are all marketing attempts capitalizing on what is a huge industry built on the concept of “New Year, New You.” While I don’t know how this all started, what I do know is that resolutions don’t work, and I don’t like them.  Research shows that the majority of resolutions fail in the first six weeks of the year, and that only about 9-16% of people actually meet these resolutions at the end of the year. But if you are serious about making meaningful changes this year, I am happy to provide you with tips and tools to help you.

The reason resolutions don’t work can be understood in the definition of the word resolution, which is defined as  “a firm decision to do or not do something.” This definition implies that a behavioral change is being made based on will power, and will power is hard. Life is tempting, and if you are resolving to make a change without taking meaningful steps to do so, things will get in the way. If you want proof, go to the gym in the beginning of January, and then go again in the middle of March; you will see first hand how many things got in the way for people and their resolutions.

The other major issue with resolutions is that they are often unrealistic with unclear goals centered around “should” statements, which is a cognitive distortion in which you have no room in your life for. Should statements (or “ought” and “must”) make us feel guilty when we do or don’t do something, and create a sense of failure when we fall short of the intended action. Should statements also lead to general goals that are negative in nature, and lead to failure because they are built around the absence of something, rather than on the presence of change..  

Here are a few examples of should statements and the resolutions they become:

• I must lose weight so I can look better → I am going to lose weight

• I should drink less alcohol → I am going to stop drinking

• I ought to save more money → I am going to spend less money

While I said I was not a fan of resolutions, I am a fan of change. So if you are interested in growth and change and want to set meaningful goals, here are some tips for you.

Change your language. Let's start with throwing out the word “resolution” and using language that reflects a growth mindset. A growth mindset allows you to take on challenges and learn from them, so your language needs to reflect this willingness for change and growth rather than being centered around failure and negativity. You also want to use language that identifies the positive changes you are making, rather than the things you are depriving yourself from. So instead of saying “I am going to lose weight”, you can say “I want to make healthier choices that will include x, y, and z.”

Be specific and reasonable. If you are serious about wanting to make meaningful change, you need to be clear in how you are going to achieve this, while also being realistic in what is reasonable and achievable. If your goal is to save more money this year, identify the steps that you are going to take to do so. What percentage of your income are you going to spend versus save and/or invest? What spending items do you want to cut down on, and how are you going to do so? Once you identify the plan, check in to make sure the goal is reasonable. It is reasonable to make coffee at home rather than buying coffee daily, but it might not be reasonable to pay off all of your credit card debt by February. 

Embrace moderation. The challenge with establishing meaningful behavior changes, is the importance of setting goals that will allow for change, without being too severe or restrictive. Quitting smoking cold turkey or committing to extreme weight loss or exercise goals will not help you to be successful. If you have never run a day in your life and you plan to run a marathon this year, your success rate is unfortunately relatively low. But if you set a goal to run a 5k, you are more likely to succeed. Setting extreme goals also contributes to the yo-yo effect. If you have goals that are more moderate in nature, you are more likely to see the changes stick.

Practice forgiveness. Have compassion for yourself. Things will get in the way and things will be hard, that is inevitable. If you misstep in your journey of growth, that is okay. Meaningful change happens when we are challenged, so be kind to yourself if you miss a workout, or overspend on a weekend, or drink too much. Most resolutions fail in February because people set extreme goals and give up when they fall short. Since you are not making resolutions and are practicing a growth mindset, it will make it easier for you to pick up where you left off and keep moving forward.

Have meaningful motivation. When goals are built around “shoulds” and “musts,” cultural, societal, and familial expectations are likely at the core, and do not set you up for meaningful change. If you want to be successful in improving areas of your life, you are going to need a “why” that will get you there. Intrinsic motivation theory encourages tapping into the internal rewards rather than external to overcome barriers to change. If you set the goal to exercise more to build muscle and change your appearance, you may find yourself struggling to stick with your goals during tough workouts. But if you focus on your goals to exercise to set healthy examples for your kids, or because you enjoy the way you feel after a hard workout, you are likely to get your money's worth on your Black Friday Peloton purchase.

Address underlying issues. Most of the behaviors you seek to change started because at some point they served a purpose for you. You started drinking because it helped you relax or take the stress off, but now it has gotten out of hand. You learned that eating sweets and carbs made you feel better when you were feeling sad and lonely, but now you want to lose the weight that followed. To effectively curb the behaviors that are no longer serving you, you need to understand why you do them, and learn healthier ways to manage your stress, cope with your feelings, or resolve your trauma. 

At Mallory Mitchell Therapy, I am currently accepting new clients and scheduling sessions to help you make the long-lasting change you aim to make.