Navigating the Holidays and Beyond: 6 Tips for Setting Boundaries

As we are in the full swing of the festive season, the topic of boundaries becomes particularly relevant. From family gatherings to the pressures of holiday traditions, setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial for your mental health and well-being. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I  understand the challenges that come with this time of year, especially for those dealing with anxiety, perinatal mental health concerns, and childhood trauma. In this month's blog, let's explore six practical tips for setting boundaries and preserving your mental health, that will help you navigate holiday chaos and support your wellness into the New Year.

1. Know Your Values

Before immersing yourself in the holiday whirlwind, take a moment to truly understand your core values. What aspects of this season align with your deeply held beliefs and priorities? By identifying these values, you can establish boundaries that resonate with what truly matters to you. Whether it's the importance of quality time with loved ones or the significance of personal reflection, grounding yourself in your values will guide your boundary-setting decisions.

2. Communicate Clearly

Effective communication is key when it comes to setting boundaries. Whether you're addressing family dynamics or clarifying your needs as a new parent, express yourself clearly and assertively. Use "I" statements to convey your feelings and needs without placing blame. For example, "I need some quiet time to rest and recharge" or "I would appreciate your support in respecting our parenting choices." This direct communication allows you to take responsibility for your feelings, which is the most effective way to assert your needs.

3. Plan Ahead

Anticipating potential challenges allows you to plan ahead and set realistic expectations. If certain family gatherings are known to be stressful, consider limiting your time or planning breaks to regroup. For new parents, communicate your baby's schedule and needs in advance, so others can respect your family's routine. Furthermore, don’t be surprised if your boundaries are not always embraced and respected. Planning ahead can also include knowing how you’ll respond if your boundaries are not warmly received.

4. Be Okay With Discomfort

Saying 'no' is a powerful tool in setting boundaries, and in order to set boundaries, it is necessary to be okay with saying ‘no’. It's okay to decline invitations or commitments that don't align with your well-being or family priorities. Remember, it's not about being selfish; it's about honoring your needs and preserving your mental health. With that said, saying ‘no’ can be really uncomfortable, especially when doing so hurts someone else’s feelings. The fact is, that in sitting in the discomfort you learn how to advocate and care for yourself, while building your own window of tolerance.

5. Tune-In to Self:

Amidst the chaos of the holiday season and in life, it's essential to cultivate a heightened sense of self-awareness through mindfulness. Take intentional pauses to tune into your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing or a brief meditation, can be powerful tools in fostering this awareness. Additionally, pay attention to physical cues of stress and overwhelm, like tension in your shoulders or a racing heartbeat. These cues serve as valuable signals prompting you to reassess your boundaries and prioritize self-care.

6. Seek Professional Support

If the holidays or family dynamics trigger past traumas or intensify anxiety, consider seeking professional support. Therapy, particularly approaches like EMDR and mindfulness-based techniques, can provide valuable tools for processing emotions and establishing healthy boundaries. When underlying beliefs about yourself and your worth, struggles with perfectionism, attachment styles, and chaotic relationship history stop you from asserting your needs and advocating for yourself, it is a good indicator that you may benefit from extra support.

Remember, setting boundaries is an ongoing process, and it's perfectly okay to reassess and adjust as needed. As we navigate the holiday season, let's prioritize our mental health, embrace the power of boundaries, and create a space for joy, connection, and well-being. Wishing you a peaceful and fulfilling holiday season!